Leno's Headliners

Every Monday, Jay Leno has a joke session called '."Headliners". These are actual published "funnies".

• "Teach Engish As A Second Language"
• "The ABC's of Sucess"
• "Legless Meth Lab Suspect On The Run"
• "Homeless Man Under House Arrest"
• "Dead Man Remains Dead"
• "Scientists Predict Doom But Are Optimistic About It"
• "Two Men Sentenced Possessing Forearms"
• "Half Price Sale...You Save 25%"
• "House For Sale at 1.8 Million Dollars....Save $5 With This Ad"
• "Kallie's Helpful Hints...Hanging Yourself Can Be Painful So Get a Pro To Do It"
• "St. Patrick's Weekend Specials...Lobster Tail; Surf and Turd"
• "Air Force To Test Uniforms...New Camouflage Really Stands Out"
• City Council Runs Out of Time To Discuss Shorter Meetings"
• "Supreme Court Ponders Whether Innocent Person Can Be Executed"
• "Bryan Middle School reported the theft of an American flag...It can be described as red, white and blue."
• Maintenance Instructions for a light..."Light bulb Recommended"